Pushing the limits is risky, even reckless.
But I learned early that pushing the limits was the only way to succeed.
It took long-term injuries from a car accident for me to learn – angrily, grudgingly – that some mountains aren’t surmountable.
Along the way, I gave my doctors, therapists and family a helluva time.
Apologized sincerely each time.
And yet, here I was, pushing the limits again.
**
You have to hand it to chronic pain: it’s cruel, but consistent.
Post traumatic stress disorder lives in the shadows, striking unexpectedly.
It’s my own personal terrorist.
I’ve had therapy and medication. But just when I think I’m improving, the damned thing strikes again.
It gives me nightmares, and in the daylight, jumps out of memory bushes I didn’t even know were there. Then I become terrified, and if I speak at all, it’s a tortured stutter.
Can you imagine that happening on a radio or TV interview about my new book?
This was one limit not worth pushing.
**
ONE YEAR LATER
Radio hosts Felicity Sidnell Reid and Gwynn Scheltema just wouldn’t quit.
In late summer, they finally got me into their studio for their show, Word On The Hills.
They’d agreed to accommodate my restrictions.
And I used every tool my therapist taught me – even making fun of myself.
Listen to all or part of it here:
http://wordonthehills.com/2014/08/31/cynthia-reyes/
**
Then came the second interview.
I had foolishly said “Yes” a year earlier — then prayed it wouldn’t happen.
My family and friends were the ones pushing me this time.
“Shelagh Rogers is a wonderful interviewer,” they kept saying. “She’s skilled and compassionate. She won’t let you fall on your face.”
It wasn’t Shelagh’s skills or compassion that worried me.
It was the fact that she’s been so candid about her own struggles that I knew I had to open up about mine.
Worse, she’d be coming to the place where I am most myself: my home.
All of this meant that I was headed for disaster.
**
We walked around the garden, chatting pleasantly.
Flowers bloomed, birds sang, the sun shone.
And then it was time.
**
Afterwards, my friend Marilyn arranged afternoon tea for all of us. I remembered most of that lovely event, but almost nothing of the interview that preceded it.
I know an interview took place. I know I cried at times. And I remembered kindness from Shelagh and her team.
I later heard the interview along with CBC Radio listeners across Canada. Listen here
So, what did I learn?
That laughter helps. (And tea.)
That pushing myself remains risky.
But sometimes, I have to take the risk.
**
Thank you, Shelagh, Felicity, Gwyn and your teams.
Cynthia Reyes 
Am inspired for so many reasons. For the published book–you did it! For outlasting your pain. For kind, compassionate people who push for the good, like those you mention above. For all of it, I am so happy for you and wish you continued good things . . .
Thank you, Kay. In truth, it took a village to produce that book! Some pushing, some shoving, and others encouraging from the wings. So on behalf of all of us: THANKS.
Keep stretching Cynthia. That is when muscles are made. I love living on the edge myself. Youre a sweetheart and I’m always pulling for you, girl. 🙂
Hi Levi: Your encouragement is such a good thing. Thank you.
My pleasure, Cynthia. Have a great day!!!
You too, Levi. Thanks.
Well done, Cynthia! I know what it’s like to push through and beyond the symptoms of PTSD.
Sarah xx
Thanks, Sarah. Please feel very welcome to send me any tips on what’s worked for others. Email: cynthia.reyes@rogers.com
Great news Cynthia this is lovely positive post and you look really happy and relaxed in the photo taken in your garden. I can’t follow your links as the Word on the Hills is coming up with a page saying link not found and the second will not play due to the slow download speed at my home, but I really want to listen, so will try again when I am in another spot next week.
Thanks very much, Julie.
And for trying to link to the WOTH interview. Let me know if this works:
http://wordonthehills.com/2014/08/31/cynthia-reyes/
You look so happy and at peace. Your strength and candidness are an inspiration to others. When we are physically and mentally exhausted, the support, comfort, and understanding from others carries us through. Writing a book is no simple task for any of us, but to accomplish this through the pain and the fear…well, you have done great things. Much success with your book and may it bring peace and understanding to many who struggle.
Thanks, SK. Very much. I could not have written this book without tremendous support from family, friends and editors whose generosity was remarkable.
I’m so glad they pushed and pulled both me and that book, because (as you note) it has brought peace, understanding and comfort to people going through tough times. some copies are already dog-eared from repeated reading during challenging times.
Wishing you a good week.
I think you should consider all of the people who are in the same position as you who were helped by hearing you speak about your struggles and how you came through them. You might never know any of them, but I’m sure they’re out there and by just speaking you might have helped thousands. That’s a great accomplishment!
So well said, Allen. It’s one reason I committed to blogging just over a year ago. (My daughter had set it up, but I rarely looked at it!) Hundreds of cards and letters have come from readers.
And it’s one reason I try to share a few of my experiences since the book was published: to uplift others, and in the process, uplift myself!
Well done Cynthia, very brave indeed. You inspire many people! have a lovely and peaceful weekend, Johanna
Thank you for this, Johanna. I’m wishing you a good week.
So wonderful, Cynthia! All best.
Thanks, Sheryl. I think you heard the interview on The Next Chapter when it aired. (so now you know that those sniffles weren’t from allergies… Smile.)
Congratulations ! That’s great, your publishing 😉 I’m really happy for you and i agree with your reflexions
Thank you, Christiane. Some reflections are hard-won, indeed.
Comme ma chere mere disait: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
Bravo Cynthia. You inspire me (and others!). It was wonderful to hear your lovely Jamaican accent and fun stories in the radio interviews. You are a good story teller and inspiration in how you persist. I need to push myself more.
blessings, Brad
Hi Brad:
I’m glad you detected my Jamaican accent in those interviews! I have a friend who’s blind and for years she thought I was from Newfoundland because of the blend of Canadian and Jamaican in my accent….
Methinks you are such an inspiration yourself.
Thanks Cynthia. I’m not feeling inspired with my life lately, not knowing what to do about work and finances.
My best to you as you work your way through this challenging time, Brad. It’s such a painful thing to go through, and I know because I’ve experienced it and still do from time to time.
Thanks Cynthia.
Such a lovely interview, Cynthia, and to listen to you. A delightful, positive post. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Love, Iris.
Thank you, Iris. I think there was an angel sitting on my shoulder in both interviews….
I have just finished listening to your ‘Word on the Hills’ interview. A really enjoyable experience – as others have said, it is so good to hear your voice. The photographs of you in your post are beautiful – I especially like the first one.
The title you have used for your post is a very apt one. This expression is used by my husband; I had never heard it before I met him and so link it with him.
Also, your description of the terrible effects of the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder you have to bear struck a chord with me as my daughter suffers in a similar way with her anxiety attacks. Terrorist is a good description. My daughter thinks of her anxiety as a separate entity too – a devil, a gremlin. I think because it seems to come from nowhere and takes over so completely in such a short space of time it therefore, cannot be a part of ‘us’ it must be ‘someone else’.
Whenever you mention your daughter’s anxiety episodes in your posts, it always strikes a major chord with me, Clare. I don’t just read the words: I relate to her in that moment, with great empathy.
Before PTSD, I would have wondered – as many people do – why others can’t shake this. Same with depression.
To the person who is experiencing these things, it is even more difficult to understand. Why should something have such control in our lives? Worse, with anxiety, is the seeming randomness of the attacks. Ugghhh!
Thank-you! I think you are so brave for facing your demon. For fighting on and on in spite of set-backs and illness. You are an example to us all.
Good for you pushing through and for such wonderful interviews!! Truly inspiring 🙂 Tina
Glad you liked the interviews. Thank you.
Sometimes it really does seem that the more we risk, the greater the reward. (We are always told this, but, of course, have our doubts. :o) Good for you – keep pushing and taking risks.
Jeanne
Thanks, Jeanne.
It gets exhausting sometimes — pushing the limits. and I pay a steep price sometimes. But I’d rather try than not at all.
Your harrowing experiences bring to mind two deeply profound Buddhist sayings; “Winter Never Fails to Turn Into Spring” and “Patience and Perseverance Erases All Obstacles”. Thank you for welcoming us into your life, allowing us to be on this journey with you. We honor your winter of obstacles and share in the joy and celebration of your spring of victories.
As we approach the holidays, we reflect on it’s true meaning. The essence of your fighting spirit, your determination to never give up no matter how difficult and your willingness to share is truly hope-inspiring. This comes through in your interviews and in your book “A Good Home”! It is on my holiday gift list!
Thanks, Lee, for this kind and very thoughtful response. I really appreciate it.
Thanks for accompanying me on this challenging journey.
Your story and determination is inspiring. I have been going through a slump the past two weeks, and this really touched me. Thanks so much for sharing your story so truthfully and boldly 🙂
Thank you, Chasidy. I’m glad the post helped, even in some small way.
Be kind to yourself, especially at this time when we go through a change of several kinds of seasons.
Very inspiring, well done, thank you! It makes me think that an occasional pushing can help expand the limits a little bit 🙂 Sometimes we have got more to say and to do than we even expect from ourselves.
Thank you for such an insightful comment. Wishing you a good weekend.
For what it’s worth, I know a little bit about chronic pain and a tiny bit about PTSD… enough to be able to imagine what it’s like to suffer from them properly. In the light of which, I am amazed by what you’ve achieved, the cheerful wisdom of your blog and the pragmatism with which you just do stuff. Kudos for deffo. I’m going to go and listen to those shows now.
Cheers
MTM
Thank you, MT. I’d love to hear your reaction to them. And also, to hear from you if my voice sounds the way you thought it would! (smile)
I guess we are amazed and proud of each other, MT. Keep on pushing.
..thank you, m’Lady, Cynthia… just, thank you! 🙂
You’re welcome, Seamus!
Thank you so much for sharing–an inspiration to all of us. I heard long ago that everyone walks with a limp–some are visible and some are not. A perfect reason to extend grace to others. I am so happy for your success and glad you are taking risks! We all need to take more of them! I am learning that more everyday. 🌹💚🌹Hugs.
Thank you for this kind response, Teresa.
Not sure how I missed this post but wanted to add my (belated) two cents: you go, girl!!! Wishing you more tea & laughter in 2015!!!!
Thank you!
Me too!