“One must say Yes to life and embrace it whenever it is found — and it is found in terrible places; nevertheless, there it is. For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock.
“Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us.
“The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.” —James Baldwin
it’s a different world, becoming a fairly new grandparent.
Spending time with my “grandgirls” is one of the most important things I do in my personal time. It makes for a very different life.
I sometimes get exhausted with the more physical activities. Where do they get so much energy? I keep asking myself.
But what joy!
In addition to the more boisterous playtime activities – climbing, sliding, running around, etcetera – both girls love reading and writing, and the older one is crazy about math and problem solving. Luckily for grandpa and me, they like our help.
Luckier still, older granddaughter is also crazy about gardening. Fairy gardens in her playhouse and indoors. Outdoor gardening in spring and fall.
Daffodil bulbs
Recently, with a little help from us, she planted daffodils in her family’s backyard.
But she’s probably proudest of what she did last spring and the 2 springs before – when she was just a toddler. She is quick to remind us that she helped her parents plant their front and side gardens.
Time spent with 2 young children is a source of joy and wonder.
Because they’re little, the grandgirls see things I don’t, or things I take for granted. Like the worm wriggling in the soil. The ant carrying a dry leaf. A wildflower in the lawn.
For me, it’s a chance to watch and admire my daughter and son-in-law parent. They do some things very differently than the way we did. And it often works.
It’s also a chance to inhabit the world of small children again. To really see a smaller world up close. To rediscover the beauty in a leaf, a small stone, a tiny flower.
I often think about the future – their future. As they grow, their world will get bigger and bigger. What kind of world will it be? I try to not worry, to return to the present.
Luckily, as I watch my grandchildren explore their worlds, life consists of small moments in which they are totally present. It’s something I could do more of.
Sandra Whiting has a way about her. When she asks for a favour, it’s hard to refuse.
Between her personality and track record for getting things done, she’s admired by many.
Add her contributions as an arts-supporter and artist (Sandra is a storyteller with a great sense of humour) to her voluntary work for Canada’s Black and Caribbean communities, and you get the picture.
But that didn’t make me immediately accept her invitation to give the keynote speech at the premier annual event of PACE, the charitable organization she leads.
I love PACE. It’s helped tens of thousands of children in Jamaica and Canada. But I hadn’t given a keynote speech since the car accident of over a decade ago and the very thought was frightening.
My husband intervened. He reminded me that at each stage of my recovery, I have done something that terrified me, and that, even when the results were miserable, I usually felt better for trying.
Further, the topic was something I knew well: What we can teach children and ourselves from gardening and nature.
“What if I stutter?” I asked, panicked. “And what if they hate me?” “What if….”
“You won’t stutter and they won’t hate you,” he reassured.
So, with a lot of help and encouragement, I said “Yes”.
~~
Having said “Yes”, I was even more scared. What to do?
For inspiration, I went searching for stories I’d written about gardening in earlier years. And here’s where I got a big surprise: I came across a whole manuscript I’d written about gardening, growth and healing — years earlier.
Surprised, for two reasons. First, it was almost completely written. I’d thought it was only partly done. Even more surprising? It had been professionally edited. How could I have forgotten that?
The answer came quickly. I had forgotten because my beloved husband had become ill and nearly died of a pulmonary embolism. I had put everything aside in the frantic weeks and months that followed.
My husband is a courageous man. I watched him fight to recover, despite frequent frustration over his illness. His bravery and sheer grit were so obvious, they inspired me to return to a tough subject I’d been avoiding: what it’s like to keep pushing ahead, to try to squeeze every moment of joy from a life painfully changed.
So, instead of the gardening book, “An Honest House”, based on my personal journals, was published in 2016. It won The Diamond Award for book of the year.
~~
My husband recovered and returned to being a highly-regarded consultant and public speaker. This man knows how to create a strong speech.
We chose three excerpts from the unpublished gardening book, and built a speech around them. I realized I could simply read whole parts of the speech, as I’d done at author-readings.
We arrived at the event. Inside, people were already admiring the flowers at the Enchanted Gardens sale. There was a joyful feeling everywhere.
Several people approached me. They had bought their tickets because I was the speaker, they said.
The pressure intensified.
~~
My husband helped me up the steps to the podium. At our table, my daughter and son-in-law sat, supportive, encouraging.
As I looked out at the large audience, I recognized several people I knew. They were smiling, beaming love and support.
Even strangers beamed encouragement, I think. Though they might have still been smiling over the introduction. Maxine, the woman who introduced me, told everyone what I’d written in my bio but also forgotten: that I’m a terrible cook, knitter and floral arranger.
~~
I started to speak, then read, growing more confident as I went along. There were times when people seemed glued to what I was saying. They even laughed at the right times. That was a relief, because I’m a terrible joke-teller too.
~~
It still feels like a miracle that I got through it, and that it was well-received. But I did and it was.
And now, in a touch of grace, I will have two books published this year.
First, of course, is the new children’s book in the Myrtle the Purple Turtle series, co-written with Lauren Reyes-Grange and illustrated by Jo Robinson.
The gardening book will also debut. Years after it was put aside, this book will see the light of day — because I said “Yes”, and decided to do what scared me.
~~
Dedicated to Sandra Whiting and the children supported by PACE.
Across the world, more than 50 countries are represented in The Sussex Squad. They include the USA, UK, Brazil, France, Sierra Leone, India, Hong Kong, Canada, Germany, the Phillipines, Croatia, New Zealand, Australia, Fiji, South Africa, Jamaica, Curacao, Estonia, Italy, Portugal and many other countries.
Most members of The Sussex Squad seem to be under 40, but Deesa, an Atlanta lawyer in her 60’s, is not unique: there are retired teachers, nurses and other older individuals in the group.
Deesa Roberts
Some members are businesspeople. Many are professionals – lawyers, scientists, educators, university professors, community workers, healthcare workers, political scientists, economists, etc. Some are students, some are Ph. D candidates.
In other words: educated, empowered, articulate. And devoted fans of Harry and Meghan.
Even among each other, they use their Twitter names. Names like BrenBrenchie, Mimi, Deesa, Freepeeper, Sussex Squad Podcast, Tonya, Mel, Beng, Neri, Emmy, The Tudor Chick, Magali. There are also subgroups, such as the Sussex Prayer Chain, which prays every day for the couple and their baby.
They had never done anything like the shower before.
‘Neri’, a 40 year old escrow officer from Arkansas, jumped at the chance to be part of the Global Sussex Baby Shower, “because everything about it is positive and endearing.”
Deesa, in Atlanta, thought the baby shower was “an absolutely awesome idea. Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan don’t need gifts. What better way to galvanize their supporters to do good things for their charities who in turn do good things for real people?”
Indeed, the donations were coming in so fast, staff at the named charities were inundated.
Camfed joyfully tweeted: “We are still blown away by the response to the #GlobalSussexBabyShower! We can’t thank everyone enough for their generosity.” Within days, Camfed had raised enough money to send 94 African girls to school.
Animal charity Mayhew tweeted: “We have been thrilled and delighted by the fundraising activity that’s taken place over the weekend and can’t thank everybody who has shared the #GlobalSussexBabyShower campaign and donated to Mayhew enough.”
WellChild said: “We have been surprised and delighted by the donations from supporters of #GlobalSussexBabyShower. It’s great that an online outpouring of goodwill can lead to practical help for children with serious illness and their families.”
It was the charities who notified Kensington Palace, not the organizers. They were too busy donating, tweeting, promoting the charities and managing their own emotions. The campaign runs till May 12; no-one expected this overwhelming result so early.
When Mel logged back onto Twitter, she was astonished. “I saw the support and was overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful women who took the idea and ran with it. I decided to dedicate as much time as I could to promoting the campaign, encouraging people participating, and helping to raise the profiles of the selected charities.”
Sussex Squad members recruited friends and relatives too.
Deesa tweeted: “My 90-year old mother is awake now and we just made her donation to Camfed!”
“This is the power and potential for social media for good. This # is touching and changing lives in ways that cannot be underestimated. #GlobalSussexBabyShower is helping some of the (most) vulnerable of all. Brilliant.”
By April 1, British and American journalists were taking notice. Harper’s Bazaar journalist Omid Scobie led off with a story about the baby shower, which he described as “proof that social media can be a positive space”. Dozens of stories appeared in the media.
Freepeeper, designated media spokesperson, had now revealed her identity, as 32-year old American Elle Harris. Journalists quoted her repeatedly.
Elle reflected: “I think most people want to do good, want to value other people and be valued in return. It hit at a time when we needed goodness in our lives.”
~~
‘The Tudor Chick’ tweeted:“Just made another donation. So proud of my #SussexSquad for building something beautiful with the bricks thrown at Harry and Meghan.”
Some shifted their priorities.
‘Eliana’ planned to buy a new cell phone. Instead, “I had the screen repaired.”
‘Just Juliette’, from France, stopped shopping. ‘Fleur’, also French, says “I simply didn’t buy new clothes. I have enough, and I think educating children is more important.”
Brenda didn’t buy that ‘beautiful pair of sandals”. ‘LRSykes’ gave up “a new handbag and spring jacket”.
In Canada, Stephanie loves buying kitchen stuff, so had to overcome temptation. Her sister “bee-lined it for the kitchen section” of a store. “I literally stop and say… ‘I can’t BE in here!’ She was understandably shocked, lol.”
‘Beth’ planned to buy herself a diamond ring to symbolize a new beginning after leaving a bad marriage, but decided, “I can always buy that later. This is a much more important cause.”
And ‘Missy’, whose mother died last year, donated the money she would have spent on “spoiling” her mother on Mothering Sunday. She chose to help families “on what was my first Mothering Sunday without her.”
Neri’s remark reflects the mood in The Sussex Squad. “Being grateful for my own blessings, I couldn’t think of a better way of showing gratitude than to pay it forward. And doing this in Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry’s honour makes me very happy.”
