Did I tell you about….
… that time I went on a diet, and got a nasty surprise?
It happened around this time last year – Ash Wednesday, the start of the 40-day period of Lent, a time of sacrifice and reflection.
I reflected, decided, and said to myself: “Self, let us agree that, this Lent, we will give up any food that is not healthful.”
Self wholeheartedly agreed.
Self is always up for a good-sounding plan. And this one sounded positively virtuous.
Over the next several weeks, my grocery list consisted primarily of healthful stuff like the following:
- Oats, Bananas, Pears and Berries
- Pecans and Walnuts
- Coconut everything and Quinoa everything
- Cabbage, Zucchini, Green Beans, Spinach
- Fish – especially Salmon or Trout
- Beets, Avocado and Sweet Potato.
I felt great. In fact, I felt quite saintly about it, since almost every item was a ‘super-food’.
Then came an ominous sign.
Things started shrinking.
The waist of my jeans shrank. Then my skirt. Then my other jeans too.
I was flabbergasted.
Just to be sure, I weighed myself.
I’d gained 6 pounds.
“I don’t understand!” I wailed to my daughter. “I’ve been on a health-food diet!”
“Mom”, she said, in that deliberately patient voice one uses to a 5 year old who stamps her feet and refuses to understand. “It’s not enough to eat super-foods. It’s also a matter of portion control.”
“Portion control?” I sputtered.
Portion control… I wrinkled my nose and screwed up my face and stared at her, willing her to retract those words. No luck.
“Are you saying I didn’t ….”
“I’m saying you ate too much avocado, Mom. And sweet potato. And quinoa. And other stuff too.”
Photo Credit: John Garside
103 thoughts on “Witless Wednesday”
I seem to have the same disease. I laughed when I read your post and took comfort that I wasn’t alone in my misery.
Glad you got a laugh, Karen. I can laugh about it now, too.
Lol! The story of life, I fear….!!! 🙂
Drats. I was hoping it was a rare thing….
God is in the details, always.
Yup, I think you’re right, Amy.
Too funny! 🙂
Yes, Victo, but only long after the fact….
Some times you just can’t win!
That’s how I felt!
LOL, God is happy, he plays with you.
I think she does!
Oh, too funny! I know from long experience what an ordeal it is to lose weight, especially if you are someone like me who LOVES food.
That’s the thing — I’ve never really LOVED food, but now I seem to eat quite a bit. Yikes….
I have got fat (relatively speaking ie a stick insect putting on weight) twice in my life. The first was when I got a car, so instead of walking to interview people at work, I drove. The second was after breaking my ankle and enjoying life as a sofa queen. Happy to say, the stick insect returned in both cases (slightly less in my 50s) because being fat doesn’t suit me.
I have been 50–55 kilos all my life and 65 did not do it for me. At all.
Bananas. Nuts. Avocados. Sweet potatoes. Lol.
I use nuts very sparingly. Full of protein and well rich.
Last night we had cauliflower cheese (note, cheese included) but made with soya milk and yeast extract. Tonight we are having peas, broad beans, and carrots. Probably with mint.
To be serious, we eat far less in our old age. By we, I mean him and me, not a generic we.
Being fat isn’t my thing either, because I don’t have money to waste on new clothes. (I nearly wrote ‘waist’ – you see?)
That’s funny, and yes, I’ve been there. I’m trying extra hard this Lent to cut out all snacking and stick with good foods — AND portion control (for once. Maybe.) 🙂
Good going, Susan. And good luck,Kiddo!
Oh dear! We can’t win, can we. 🙂
Right-o, Sarah. That’s how I felt.
Oh yes I too an relate to this dilemma! It’s a start though…
A start, you say! To a bigger waistline? Do tell. (big smile)
You had me laughing there, Cynthia. I’ve had a similar problem, given up all sorts thinking it will help my weight. But, we tend to make up for the things we give up by eating more of others. Your daughter is very knowledgeable and wise… Portion is everything! Delightful read.😀
I think you’ve got a good point there, Kevin. One feels so virtuous, you eat something you wouldn’t normally.
Yes, like grapefruit… I detest the stuff but forced myself to eat it for weeks all to no avail… Never again!
Made me smile….
Job’s a good un, then. 😁
Thanks for sharing your humble pie Cynthia. I appreciate the humor and needed a good laugh. I hope this Lent season is more fruitful for you. XD
Was that a pun, Brad? Your way of telling me to eat less of the other stuff and eat more FRUIT?
Ha, ha Cynthia. Actually I wasn’t that clever. 🙂
Too funny! No matter what you eat…it is all about portions.
Now you tell me! Where were you, my friend, when I was packing on the pounds? (smile)
HA HA…story of my life!! I hate that evil word “portion”. This year I am giving up sugar/sugar sweets. Pray for me as “Hi my name is Tina and I am a sugarholic”.
You made me laugh. I shall pray for us both, Kiddo.
I know the feeling. I have a very healthy diet but I can’ t lose weight. Portion control and cut back on the nuts, who’ d have thought? What a clever daughter.
She’s more clever than her mother, for sure, Liz. Glad to hear from you.
The best laid plans…
Oh no! I liked the sound of that diet until I read what happened to you! I am trying to lose weight at the moment and everywhere I look I see recipes for food I shouldn’t eat.
But it’s all a matter of “portion control” dear Clare – as my too-smart daughter rightly pointed out.
I know…I know… 😦
I lost a lot of weight without trying when I took care of Rick’s mother, and that continued through last year when I had to give up certain foods I learned I had a sensitivity to, mainly dairy and eggs. I avoid sweeteners. I eat all the nuts I want, and keep plenty of good fats in the diet. I do know we are all “wired” differently in term of our individual genetics. Much work has also been done on the human microbiome recently in relation to health and disease. The microbiome alone is worth a Google search for information. Very good information there! 🙂
Never heard of the microbiome and will check it out, Lavinia. I cut down on sugar, but clearly, not enough!
Great story Cynthia and there’s a lesson here for all of us – everything in life is about portion control 😉
Ayyy, Diane. As in ay-ay-ay-ay. To have to realize this at my age….
Thats funny Cynthia, the same happens here! We cut out most sugars and all meat and already feel a lot healthier but definitely not slimmer.
I think I’m heading to cutting out all meat myself, but will be having fish, methinks. As for sugars — it’s a gradual thing. We never used much, but it’s the hidden sugars that I have to watch.
This gave me a good chuckle, Cynthia. I guess all that good food agrees with you! 😀
Glad it made you laugh.
It’s never easy, is it?
Nope, it ain’t.
The thing to remember is that food can be very deceitful. The “not good” foods are more honest. Chocolate coating, sugary sprinkles, frosting, all shamelessly flaunting their calories. The “good foods” however depend on the healthy hype and their benign appearance to conceal the calories lurking within them waiting to attack your innocent waist line.
Yes, Georgeina. I must give you the prize for reply of the day. Because I knew all along it wasn’t my fault — it was those wicked superfoods that did it!! (haha….) Thanks for your reply.
I can see how this would happen. I have high cholesterol and some of the possible pills for it give me an allergic reaction. Now, I can lower my cholesterol. I’m not a big fan of meat and I love fish. It’s fat intake. Yes, healthy fats, like olive oil, I need to take down. When I do, I am HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. Tonight, after a lovely chicken, green bean and couscous dinner, I thought about seconds, portion control and just said no. I’m gonna be real hungry come morning!
You are a woman of great discipline! I’m proud to know you.
Sigh. It all comes down to too much of a good thing. We overdo and forget even good food has fat content. Been there, too. 😦 ❤ So, what's the new plan?
I don’t have a new plan. It was planning that got me into trouble, don’t forget.
This was certainly a good story, it was so funny and hilarious.
I suppose I’m lucky not to crave any sweets, and I don’t like chocolate and ice cream. Due to all conditions I cannot eat out.
Well, Cynthia, your plan was very good. However, we need everything, everything in balance. I personally love fats and because of hypos I have to eat pure glucose or sugar at times. I don’t think any nutrient in normal balanced way causes any metabolism problems as long as it is natural, meaning in its most natural state.
I am also in the group of people that cannot tolerate even a little overweight, it chokes me, even 1-2 kg more is already feeling not good. I’m trying to be as I always was since 21, around 55 kg, I’m 169 cm, so it’s great. It’s tough when one is underweight, too. I was really skinny for a while, and it was very difficult to gain weight.
Well, good luck with healthy choices, and I hope you don’t overdo, but enjoy every food and meal. Thanks from https://inesepogalifeschool.com/ As always I appreciate you stopping by at my secondary blog. Thanks!
Thanks for a great response, Inese. I’m glad you can keep it all under control. I’m not big on sweets either, but I’m still in trouble.
Une bonne et belle idée que celle d’une “diet” et d’un changement radical de nos habitudes alimentaires(ça ne peut faire que du bien) 🙂
Oui, c’est comme ca, Christiane.
But at least they were ‘healthy’ pounds 🙂
You funny girl, you….
Another example of why diets don’t work.:)
And I didn’t even think of it as a diet, Jill. I just thought I was eating healthful foods…
Reading this made me smile Cynthia, thank you!
I’m glad. Reading about it a year later made me smile too! (But not at the time…)
Thanks for the laugh. They tell us that we should now eat 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, unfortunately that’s more portions than I eat altogether (and I do like the odd bit of fish or meat), so I would struggle with a wholly healthy diet.
TEN portions? My gawd.
Dear Cynthia, as always, I love your lovely sense of humour and your honesty. ❤ The older I get, the younger I seem to behave in my daughter's eyes; nice to know I'm not the only one. She recently called me a two-year-old. But isn't it wonderful to laugh with a daughter? 🙂
Blessings ~ Wendy
Did Daughter give you the eye roll too?? Smiling nodding as I read. Nice to meet you, Cynthia. Smiles xx
Daughters always give me the eye-roll. You know it well, Selina.
The clue was in the ‘super’ of the super foods, Cynthia. 😦 We need someone to market skinny foods. 🙂
I hear you, sister.
You made me smile, Cynthia. Sounds like a yummy diet though.
That’s what I thought at the time, Kate….
Oh, poor you–this is SO not fair!
It is so NOT fair, Kerry.
Oh dear not fair! I’m a shocker with portion control .. and I love nuts, bAnanas .. and don’t get me started on carbs!
But I’ve seen your videos and you always look great, Julie. I thought I had that kind of metabolism too, until recently….
I love this post, Cynthia – at first I laughed but then had to nod solemnly, because it’s happened to me too. And frankly, it’s just not fair. We should be able to enjoy twice the amount considering how good-for-you it all is.
My sentiments exactly!
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I got to the part about shrinking clothes. I think my closet shrinks mine. 😀
Me too. My older daughter says that’s the explanation, and I agree!
So funny. 🙂
Shrinking clothes…one can but wish! I had to laugh at your daughter’s wise words…I guess the size of the portions do matter but I’m with you, it’s all healthy food!!😀😀
Ah, yes. The cruel joke the Universe plays on us. Even healthy foods can make us fat! Thought of that tonight as I cut myself off from one too many starchy carrots:). You’re not alone!
I guess I didn’t think healthy food would make me fat. Or I ate too much of a good thing!
I have so been in this same place. Give up sugar, and gain weight from complex carbs. *sigh*
Cheer up. After the Easter candy you can lose weight again. 🙂
Oh, no, Cathleen. I’d forgotten about the Easter candy — yikes. Actually Jamaicans have an Easter treat that’s even worse — the Easter bun, a kind of loaf cake with stuff that’s fattening, I’m sure. Eaten with cheese.
You had gained some healthy pounds, anyway 🙂
Is there such a thing as a healthy pound? (smile)
The ones you get from a healthy diet 😉
Made me smile – I know just how you feel! (Yaaay for elastic waistbands!)
Thank you, Betty. And I’m glad it made you smile.
I certainly know this story from a personal angle! During the current Lenten season, I have been avoiding carbs and increasing vegetable and salad dishes. So far, so good. However, I am not so good at avoiding a few glasses of dry white wine each week.
I should be doing the same, Carla. Not necessarily the white wine, but the vegetables and salads! Must try harder….
Me too, Cynthia!
Cynthia, I loved this post! It’s very funny and witty! I have missed reading your posts. I have been so busy with my businesses that I have not had time to read them and others like I used to. Thank you so much for taking time to read mine and like and comment on them! 🙂 ❤