Tag Archives: Humour

Witless Wednesday

Did I tell you about….

… that time I went on a diet, and got a nasty surprise?

It happened around this time last year – Ash Wednesday, the start of the 40-day period of Lent, a time of sacrifice and reflection.

I reflected, decided, and said to myself: “Self, let us agree that, this Lent, we will give up any food that is not healthful.”

Self wholeheartedly agreed.

Self is always up for a good-sounding plan. And this one sounded positively virtuous.

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Over the next several weeks, my grocery list consisted primarily of healthful stuff like the following:

  • Oats, Bananas, Pears and Berries
  • Pecans and Walnuts
  • Coconut everything and Quinoa everything
  • Cabbage, Zucchini, Green Beans, Spinach
  • Fish – especially Salmon or Trout
  • Beets, Avocado and Sweet Potato.

blog-photo-recipe-sweet-potatoes-sliced

I felt great. In fact, I felt quite saintly about it, since almost every item was a ‘super-food’. 

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Then came an ominous sign.

Things started shrinking.

The waist of my jeans shrank. Then my skirt. Then my other jeans too.

I was flabbergasted. 

Just to be sure, I weighed myself.

I’d gained 6 pounds.

“I don’t understand!” I wailed to my daughter. “I’ve been on a health-food diet!”

“Mom”, she said, in that deliberately patient voice one uses to a 5 year old who stamps her feet and refuses to understand. “It’s not enough to eat super-foods. It’s also a matter of portion control.”

“Portion control?” I sputtered.

“Yes, Mom.”

Portion control… I wrinkled my nose and screwed up my face and stared at her, willing her to retract those words. No luck.

“Are you saying I didn’t ….”

“I’m saying you ate too much avocado, Mom. And sweet potato. And quinoa. And other stuff too.”

Shoot.  

~~

Photo Credit: John Garside

103 Comments

Filed under A Good Home, Food

Autumn Here, Spring There

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It’s Springtime now Down Under

While we here are right in the Fall

Hard to believe it’s the same Earth

It barely makes sense at all.

blog-photo-gallivanta-spring-table-with-daffodils

Photo Credit:  silkannthreades.wordpress.com

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I wonder how folks in the old days

Reacted to this bit of news

That Christmas could be in the summer

Did they think it was some kind of ruse?

blog-photo-christmas-2012

~~

Oh – look what I wrote up above there!

A captive of my point of view

Though for folks in the lands Down Under

This cannot be anything new.

Blog Photo - White garden Solomons seal

~~

So let’s start this poem all over

Let’s turn it upside on its head

And now, it is Fall Over Yonder

But here it’s the time to plant beds.

 

74 Comments

Filed under A Good Home, Autumn, Garden Humour, Spring, The Seasons