Every time I go to the fracture clinic at the hospital – which is often these days — I feel ashamed.
Everybody, except for me, has a great story about how they broke their whatsit.
Broken arms, collarbones, legs — you name the body part, and a great story comes with it.
There’s Eden, a teenager, who is aiming for the Olympics. She joined the boys’ ice hockey team in the spring to sharpen her skills.
“I’m 5’4″, they’re 6 feet plus”, she says.
During a skirmish, one player lands on her arm and — snap! “The bones were sticking out,” she says.
Next to her at the clinic, a young adult male tries to disguise his pride as he explains he broke his collarbone while skateboarding.
Then there’s the 20-something young woman who has now broken the same leg twice — first from playing basketball competitively, now from football.
“So what happened to you?” These brave warriors invariably turn to me.
Ugh! How do I say: “I got up, passed out and fell down”?
I need to save face. Can you please help?
I need a great story about how I got these breaks in my ankle.
Must be very short and semi-believable and mainly decent.
Funny, if possible.
The sooner the better, please.
Readers will tell me which story they like best. I’ll then sign a copy of either A Good Home or An Honest House and mail it to the winner.
Thank you for helping!
52 thoughts on “Help Save My Dignity”
I say “I got up, passed out and fell down” is the best. Makes me hoot!
You could say, “I suffer from orthostatic hypotension.” That sounds sexier but is not technically lying.
Errmmm…. what is orthostatic hypotension, Victo?
Low blood pressure that occurs with a sudden change in position. You could also call what you had a syncopal episode or syncope which means passing out. That also sounds kind of sexy.
OR you could say, “The doctor called to tell me the pregnancy test was positive and I just passed clean out!”
One night while asleep, I had a dream that I was at the gym training for a slot on the Canadian Winter Olympics ice skating team for the 2018 games. I tried to balance myself but fell out of my bed and broke my ankle.
There goes my chance for a slot on the team! Maybe I will try again in four years! I don’t think 70 is too old, do you?
Sorry Cynthia, I have no good story, but how about a run in with big foot? I can relate. I fell (3″) off a ladder years ago as a 25-year-old and broke my arm! I like Victo’s story.
You could use the same story about your fractures that actually happened to my cousin. If I remember correctly, she was visiting a friend’s house. On her way out that evening, when she went to get her coat, she accidentally stepped into the cat’s litter box. The box went slip sliding away, taking my surprised cousin along with it. She found herself on the floor with a fractured leg, checking out the paint on the ceiling. Her mishap deserves a good song, perhaps by the title “Cat Pot Blues”. 🙂
I was playing tennis and as I jumped in the air to serve I landed wrong and broke my ankle, but that serve won the game for me. ☺
You can borrow my story. I was going into make an offer presentation on a house in the west end. We were #11 or 16. It was the night of the last snowstorm of the year. There was one step up on the sidewalk leading to the house. It was icy and I had leather shoes. I was losing my balance but trying not to fall. The more I tried, the more I accelerated falling headfirst. As my head and face hurled towards the brick steps, I reached out and my middle finger on my right hand took the brunt of the force. One look at my hand and I knew my finger was broken.
The other agent suggested I wait in the car. NO WAY. I was going in. I asked for a bag of ice. My partner presented our offer. Our offer was $231,000 more than asking price. We waited for an hour in the car. I was afraid to look at my hand in the ice. An hour later, we found out our offer was $50,000 short of winning. My dignity was bruised. I literally threw myself at the house and we still didn’t get the house.
Off to Sunnybrook Hospital and x-rays. The good news is my finger was not broken. The bad news is that it was badly dislocated. The really, really good news is while waiting in the emergency room I found a house for our buyers on Instagram. They went to see that house and subsequently offered and they were the successful buyers. 10 times lucky.
(Substitute foot for hand).
My mind is coming up with far too many wicked answers, I would just settle for the truth…..
No, no, Cindy! You have to either submit a story or you’ll have to serve as a judge. Your choice, kiddo!
“I snagged my foot on a root while getting up off my knees from praying to the gardening gods to make my wisteria bloom.”
I think it was your wisteria that doesn’t bloom.
I’m so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I wish you healing on every level.
Embellishements are much more interesting than factual details. It may be a stretch to add someone “tall, dark, and handsome” in the night… but maybe Hamlin would fit the bill. You’re the writer! -Oscar
Picking Mangoes in Jamaica and fell off the ladder. Exotic, and believable.
I have just broken the record for the longest ever baseball hit, but I twisted too far. round:
A teenie weenie mouse did it! As I opened the door, she came in. I tripped on the door sill trying to escape….!!
I like it
You probably need something particularly gory to impress the warriors of the world – you were stuck in a ravine under falling boulders and had to break your own ankle to crawl to safety….
“I thought I was 20, my body rebelled.” No other explanation needed.
You had volunteered for Habitat for Humanity and when President Jimmy Carter started to waiver from the heat, you rushed over to help him and tripped on a two-by-four board.
You got tangled up in the dog strangling vine when you were weeding the garden and it tripped you?
In utter frustration, you hauled off and kicked a certain high-level US elected official who shall not be named. You broke your ankle but earned the admiration of many Americans.
You rushed onto the road to save a puppy that was about to get run over by an armoured limousine driven by Donald Trump. Your leg got broken but the puppy is fine.
Good afternoon Cynthia, Hope you are feeling better today. Miss you at Church We are praying for you Regards
Thanks very much John. I miss you and everyone too.
” I was about to go on stage when a friend told me to ‘Break a leg’, the thought of it was so frightening that I fainted, and wouldn’t ya know…” 🙂
I hope you mend quickly. ❤
Oh no that’s terrible!!!! Hope you are healing!! I am so not creative with stories. I’d probably say I saw a “pink elephant” on my way home from the local gin mill and tripped on the sidewalk and broke my ankle lol. Only believable story in my world 🙂
You’re a writer, Cynthia. You should be a pro at making up dramatic stories!
So that’s your excuse for not sending me a story?
You were clearing bats out of the belfry. 😀
You were the last person in the human chain saving swimmers from the riptide a few weeks ago. And your brave efforts resulted in success! How’s that? 🙂 Superhero.
Said a prayer for you when I read this. Hope your healing is rapid and strong!
Thank you Carla
Look at the amount of comment this is getting! Since friend Cynthia I too have had a mishap in Feb. and have been spending lots of time at the fracture clinic, the truth of my mishap seems to make people very happy: “I slipped while rushing to a yoga class, which proved my husband’s favorite theory that exercise is bad for you.”
OK – 2 possibilities. 1 – the Truth. “I was in a horrific car accident a few years ago. It’s taken years to recover and I’m still not there. Sometimes my body is not where I think it is, and does not do what I think it will. Like this time – I stood up, passed out and fell down.”
2 – the Truth. “My husband stretched his hand out to me, and when I stood up to put mine in his .. well, I looked in his eyes, and he was just so damned handsome that I passed out and fell down.”
Take your pick! LOL, Jeanne
I’m so sorry to hear about your accident, Cynthia. As I read the stories of others in the hospital clinic, I was saddened to hear that you felt ashamed. It occurs to me how much I admire your everyday heroism. I feel the same about my neighbors who struggle to stand and walk, but they have the courage to keep trying until they succeed. They teach me not to take my privileges for granted because simply standing up is risky or impossible for others. It’s an act of courage and caring enough about others to endure pain and uncertainty. From my perspective, your story holds a great deal of dignity and wisdom. I send you virtual hugs and healing thoughts.
Thank you Carol.
I sure hope you are feeling better soon. You have plenty of dignity and a great fighting spirit. These kids have nothing on you, Cynthia. xoxoxo
How about, I took a short cut home and jumped over a low wall. Trouble was it was ten feet down the other side.
I was helping decorate the church and I fell backwards off the font.
I tripped up the stairs with my hands in my pockets and landed face first.
I fell over a cat.
These are all real.
See? I stood up passed out and fell down sounds pretty good now doesn’t it? 😉
Take care and I hope you heal well and quickly.
That’s not rare, as isn’t braking bones just falling from a chair or slipping on porch steps. Sometimes bones become really fragile and while young people need to brake them with large force, after 5- bones can break with just some wrong move. I wish you fast recovery, looks like they applied a huge cast.
Trust me, it’s way better than me who has all bones broken, and it is easier to name those that were not broken.
That accident broke my ribs, back, ankles, wrist, collar bone, face, hip and some in between the major bones. So, yes, one learn s everything from new after these fractures.
It’s so inconvenient with all that stuff on your leg, and hot, and probably itchy. Oh, may you have lots of patience!
Oh, Inese — I’m so sorry about what you went through. That sounds terrible. I hope you are healing.
A friend of mine had a similar problem in high school. She had scoliosis and had to wear a back brace. But she told everyone she’d been in a spectacular motorcycle accident to raise her cool factor. 🙂
I have been meaning to tell you how sorry this happened to you. Ouch!
Prayers and blessings~
You’re very welcome.
It was in the heat of passion, he held me up by his arms, our bodies intertwined as we cried out in the shower. He lost his balance. I fell and broke both my ankles, but didn’t feel it until the ecstasy wore off. 🙂
Yikes! I wish you’d submitted your story before the contest was over!
That’s okay. Better late — and able to give you a laugh — than never. 🙂
Absolutely. You really made me laugh, and I thank you!