A Good Home, Humour - Kinda

The Art of Clutter

It’s been a hectic time in our family, and a bout of decluttering hasn’t helped. So, early this morning, husband, older daughter, son-in-law and I mused about Marie Kondo and the current decluttering fad she’s part of. 

We concluded that there’s another way to see this, so we created a system. Useful? I’m not sure. But it should make you smile, perhaps in recognition. We call it:

10 STEPS TO A “FULLER” LIFE

Blog Photo - Afternoon Tea pink cup and saucer

1) Acquire a space. Any space will do.

2) Location, location, location. The space must be located where you will visit it often.

3) Don’t block your path to success — er, excess. Easy access is essential to collecting stuff that nobody needs. Remember, your plan is to fill the space with stuff. And remember also that you’re playing a long game — over-accumulation takes time. 

Blog Photo - Old Blanket

4) Identify things you like. It could be everything. But be sure to identify them. You don’t want to forget and miss an opportunity to acquire more stuff that you don’t need.

5) Identify sources of stuff. The Shopping Network, eBay, Etsy, Kijiji, Costco, Homesense, Dollarama, garage sales, antiques shops and auctions are great sources of stuff.  So are friends, by the way. When they declutter their homes, it’s an opportunity to further clutter yours. Cultivate and nurture these relationships.

6) Start collecting stuff NOW. It’s important to take that first step. As we’re heading into Christmas, surely you need some more Christmas plates to add to the several sets you already have. 

blog-photo-china-coloured-patterned-christmas-2.jpg

7) Think bigger. You may think because the horizontal spaces — shelves, floors, and surfaces of furniture — are full, that you’ve run out of space. Do not be fooled! Think vertical. Pile things on top of things, boxes on top of boxes. Look for bare spots too. A bare spot is an exciting new opportunity. 

8) Do not give away your stuff. Treasure your treasures. You never know when you — or your children or grandchildren or great-grands, or friends — will need them.

9) Defend your stash. Fend off all comers and detractors. People who want your stuff or criticize your accumulative instincts are the enemy. And remember #4: you are collecting what you like. It’s your shield and your sword.

10) Recognize that this is an important part of your legacy, and the bigger the legacy to your loved ones, the better.  So, when the current space is verifiably, absolutely, full and cannot take another sliver of anything, be sure to acquire more space and fill it with stuff. It’s your gift to your heirs and to the world.

Of course, if I followed all that advice above, my own family would kill me! Happy Sunday, everyone. Hope we made you smile.

Humour - Kinda

Raptor Foot & the Nail Salon

On Father’s Day, younger daughter and son-in-law gave my husband a gift: they took him to the nail salon for a pedicure and invited me along.

It was a rare treat for us both.

Blog Photo - Nail Salon - Pedicure

The men bravely entered the salon full of women. They had their limits, though, refusing to get their nails painted, though I did suggest it.

Everything went well till it was time to leave. My nails seemed dry and I asked if I could put my shoes back on.

“No!” the attendant replied, shocked. “You have to put on your sandals!”

Sandals? “I have no sandals!”

Blog Photo - Cynthia at Nail salon - green slipper on foot

“Then you have to wear those things out to the car, Mum,” daughter interjected. “You can’t put on your shoes!”

“I am NOT wearing these strange-looking green things on the street! Why didn’t you tell me to wear sandals?”

“I thought you knew, Mum!”

“How on earth would I know?” I wailed. 

Oh, Mum,” she said, before bursting into laughter.

Turning to each woman and one girl in the room, I asked: “Did you bring sandals?”

Everyone said “Yes”.  I was the only one who didn’t know the rituals.

Blog Photo - Cynthia at Nail salon 1

I hung my head in shame.

Then I looked up to accuse them: “One of you could have at least said ‘No!'”

To which they only laughed harder.

My son-in-law tried to hide his amusement, but daughter and her father seemed unable to stop laughing out loud. Worse, husband called me “Raptor Foot” because of the strange salon slippers I now had to wear in public.

Blog Photo - Cynthia at Nail salon - in salon slippers

But then he sent me this video, which celebrates the Toronto Raptor’s big win with a dance named Raptor Foot, so I forgave him.  https://youtu.be/Q4IUyOXD0uo

 

 

A Good Home, Canadian life, Humour - Kinda

Stiletto Heels

As we stepped out into the rain

I looked down at the ground again

And saw her thin stiletto heels

And thoughts went round my mind like wheels

*

“Spring rain!” I smiled, instead of what

My mind thought, which was:Id-i-ot!

As she walked dainty by my side

And went on out to catch a ride

*

Image via shopflyjane.com
Image via shopflyjane.com

*

She grumped and sighed and made a pout

At weather we’d been warned about

She looked down at her thin wee dress

About to turn a soggy mess

*

She looked down at her silly heels

That would have paid for many meals

And turned to me and fussed again

And said a rude thing ‘bout the rain

Thanks to: publicdomainpictures.net
Thanks to: publicdomainpictures.net

 

Perhaps my thoughts would have been kind

If she’d been humbler in her mind

About the wind and rain we faced

Instead of acting so disgraced

*

If she’d admitted her sheer folly

For dressing up like some vain dolly

This day when all the forecasts said

Take care outside or stay in bed

*

But as I stopped and hit “rewind”

The thought that came into my mind

Was that I should have been more bold

And said: “It’s spring! Expect the cold

*

“Expect the wind and rain and fog

And dress for it; you’re just a cog

In Nature’s wheel, so take a pill

And dress yourself to meet the chill!”

*

Image via: dailyregiment.blogspot.ca
Image thanks to: dailyregiment.blogspot.ca

 

But then I had an awful thought:

Were there times when I too had bought

Such crazy stuff to wear outside

And then blamed weather, not my pride?

*

Back when I had more cash than brain

Did I throw money down the drain

On things that mattered not a whit

Back then – was I, too, such a twit?

*

Back when I was a TV ‘star’

And thought that I had come so far

And had to look and dress the part

So this would set me well apart?

*

I felt a twinge of something then

At how judgmental I had been

How quick I’d been to so opine!

And took some water with my wine.

**

A Good Home, Humour - Kinda

What Kind of Idiot Loses Her Crutches?

My kind of idiot, that’s who.  

Proving the old saying by another idiot: “I’d forget my head if it weren’t connected.”

Last night, my daughter asked me for the umpteenth time: “But how can a person lose her crutches, Mom? It’s not possible.”

Trust me, it is.

~~

I rarely drive these days, but on Monday, I drove myself to the hospital. On my way home, I noticed the car was dirty inside. While waiting at the car wash, I took a few steps to the coffee shop right next door, and came back barely managing to hold on to my crutches, handbag and coffee cup.

Somewhere in the complex task of  entering the car, securing the coffee, placing my handbag on the passenger seat, it seems I forgot one of my crutches leaning up against the rear car door.

And drove away. And didn’t realize it till I got home. 

~~

I called the car wash place. The person who answered the phone thought he couldn’t possibly be hearing the right thing.

He passed the phone to someone else, who treated the matter with suspiciously great seriousness, but said “No, ma’am. No-one has turned in a crutch. You said a crutch, right?”

~~

“So are you saying someone stole your crutch, Mom?” asked Daughter. “Who would steal a single crutch?”

She Googled “people who lose their crutches” and declared — shaking her head — that there were no other cases.

Daughter: “Mom, you realize that the only entry I found is from an episode of South Park, right? Which is fictional. A TV comedy.”

Me: “You realize I lost 3 of my canes the same way, in earlier years, right? And had to nearly crawl from car to house each time?”

She gulped. We almost choked with laughter. 

Lord give me strength. Or a brain, at least.