What Kind of Idiot Loses Her Crutches?

My kind of idiot, that’s who.  

Proving the old saying by another idiot: “I’d forget my head if it weren’t connected.”

Last night, my daughter asked me for the umpteenth time: “But how can a person lose her crutches, Mom? It’s not possible.”

Trust me, it is.

~~

I rarely drive these days, but on Monday, I drove myself to the hospital. On my way home, I noticed the car was dirty inside. While waiting at the car wash, I took a few steps to the coffee shop right next door, and came back barely managing to hold on to my crutches, handbag and coffee cup.

Somewhere in the complex task of  entering the car, securing the coffee, placing my handbag on the passenger seat, it seems I forgot one of my crutches leaning up against the rear car door.

And drove away. And didn’t realize it till I got home. 

~~

I called the car wash place. The person who answered the phone thought he couldn’t possibly be hearing the right thing.

He passed the phone to someone else, who treated the matter with suspiciously great seriousness, but said “No, ma’am. No-one has turned in a crutch. You said a crutch, right?”

~~

“So are you saying someone stole your crutch, Mom?” asked Daughter. “Who would steal a single crutch?”

She Googled “people who lose their crutches” and declared — shaking her head — that there were no other cases.

Daughter: “Mom, you realize that the only entry I found is from an episode of South Park, right? Which is fictional. A TV comedy.”

Me: “You realize I lost 3 of my canes the same way, in earlier years, right? And had to nearly crawl from car to house each time?”

She gulped. We almost choked with laughter. 

Lord give me strength. Or a brain, at least.

 

 

 

 

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63 Comments

Filed under A Good Home, Humour - Kinda

63 responses to “What Kind of Idiot Loses Her Crutches?

  1. Well, I have always said you were “special.” This proves it. 🙂

  2. Forget cookies or brownies as gifts- send crutches, or just one.

  3. Put baggage labels, or better still, etch your mobile phone number on them, Cynthia (NEVER your address or home phone) 😎

  4. Sometimes I think I have lost my phone and I am talking on it😳

  5. Ann Moser

    We’re human; and “special”. *@ happens. I recall, rather sheepish about leaving a tube behind after a surgery a few years ago; anything IS possible 😉

  6. Empathy, empathy. I lost a wheelchair this way. Actually, to be fair, it was my other half! By the time we returned, the innocent wheelchair had been swiped.

  7. Thank you for the laugh today…I needed that!! Never a dull moment in our lives even when we think they are dull.

  8. Nah, you’re not an idiot! You’ve just got way too much on your mind to remember everything. Ergo, sometimes things get left or lost! Just ask my hubby! 😆

  9. Murtagh's Meadow

    It’s only human to lose things. I have lost the car keys more than once, and yes it is embarrassing. But hopefully, like the car keys, it will turn up. Putting a label and phone contact is a great idea as suggested above.

  10. We all have our moments, Cynthia. I once got in the wrong car at the parking deck at work. I couldn’t understand why the seat was so far back. When I moved it forward, I spotted a pack of cigarettes and freaked out. I jumped out so fast, I didn’t move the seat back to its original position. 🙂

  11. I’ve never lost a crutch but I’ve lost plenty of other things!

  12. See, this is what happens when you start cleaning. It’s not you, it’s the chore!

  13. I suppose it’s not funny, but this whole post made me laugh. Not AT you, understand … but it is funny. If we don’t laugh, we’ll cry, right? Maybe you could get extra long mitten clips – crutch to purse. 😀

  14. Thank you Cynthia.I thoroughly enjoy your humor and willingness to admit your foibles. Like many of your friends and fans, I had a few good laughs. How about attaching a GPS chip, or homing pigeon, or buy them in bulk? XD

  15. I have lost all kinds of things over the years, and done strange things. Drove off once with a pizza on the roof of the car, among many others. You are not an idiot, my friend! I can laugh along with you, but not at you! 🙂

  16. Canes and crutches are quite easy to lose. I’ve done it myself a few times. Most often at Target. I’ll hang the cane while I’m looking at something and moved away from it until I try to walk any distance. I left one in the shopping cart and realized it when I got home. I called the store and they actually sent someone out to look for it. When I called back, they were holding it for me. i don’t go out and shop that much but they get my vote for caring.

  17. To be totally honest, I don’t find it hard to believe at all. Within my family, we’ve driven from one place to another and lost: wallets, purses, books, stamped letters, mittens, Chinese take-out, and more. Well, I will admit, none are as, well, obtrusive as a crutch. It’s okay, as long as you don’t leave your sense of humor behind, you’re good. 🙂

  18. Laurie Graves

    I lose jackets the way you lose crutches and canes. So irritating. But I have to admit your post made me grin, especially when I read the conversation with your daughter. Onward, ho!

  19. I am sorry you still need crutches – although not that you retain your sense of humour

  20. I’ve misplaced so many things that my husband says that the marker on my grave should say “here lies Karen, who spent half her life looking for things she misplaced. 😀 I hope you are healing properly and quickly.

  21. While I am trying to read posts in the midst of recovering from Harvey, I knew from the title of this post that it must be from you! Makes logical sense to me! My 82 year old sister came to stay with us as she lives alone and has no power. She is on a walker and I am learning new skills as I take her shopping for a few items as she only packed for overnight. You make me smile at your courage when we all need courage. Cheers, my dear Cynthia.

  22. Rather your crutch than your handbag! But a spectacular achievement all the same. 😀

  23. You are gorgeous! I’m forever losing things ..

  24. Margaret Mair

    Because I am fine inside most houses and apartments I have left a cane behind at someone’s place from time to time. It happens when, for whatever reason, I don’t need it as I leave, and I don’t realize I’ve left it until I get to the other end of the car journey – usually at a time when I don’t want to go all the way back. So I’ve made do with poles and elbows until I can retrieve it.
    I only lost one when, in the excitement of putting a grandchild in a stroller and keeping an eye on another one as we set off for the playground at Woodbine Beach I forgot that I had rested my cane on a nearby stone (strollers are even better than canes). By the time I remembered we were at the playground, and though Richard hurried back it was gone… I sometimes wonder what adventures that cane has been on since.
    I’m glad I’ve not had the occasion to use or lose a crutch, though! Thanks for this and other smiles.

  25. The problem isn’t not having a brain, but having too much going on in that brain 🙂

  26. I hope that one day some clever person will invent a walking aid that doesn’t have to be held in the hand. Enough has to be carried on shopping trips and visits to friends without being encumbered with a crutch or stick as well. My mother left her stick in a shopping trolley at the supermarket. Fortunately, it was found by someone before we drove off without it.

  27. I would say that this is an expression that these devises are not a perminent extension of your personality, thus easily forgotten when out of sight.

    On a parallel story, once, I purchased a shovel and some other items at the local hardware store. I leaned it on the passenger side of the car while loading up the hatch-back with other items. I turned to the driver’s side, got in & drove away… wondering what the clunk was as I left the parking space. At tome (60 miles away), I realized my error. Days later, I returned to the store. They had my shovel placed behind the register, with a copy of the receipt taped to it with my name on it (wonders of electronics that they could look back at receipts to figure out who last purchased a shovel then drove off). Wonders of local hardware store. -Oscar

  28. OK, hopefully this will cheer you.

    One: A lovely old lady who went to our church when I was a kid, Miss Elms, was hit by a car and lost one of her legs just below the knee. I remember discussing sticks and crutches with her during one of my limpy spells. She said she’d lost loads of her walking sticks.

    ‘How?’ I asked.
    ‘I put them on the car roof, get in, and then forget about them and drive off.’
    ‘That must be really annoying.’
    ‘It is. I lost one of my favourites last week, a really comfortable one, but I do it all the time.’

    Later I got to have a pair of crutches of my own. They’re very useful when I put my knee out, know what I’ve done and can’t be arsed to go to A&E. I got them from lost property when I worked in a coach depot. Someone had left them on the coach. After six months, when they weren’t claimed, I got to keep them.

    Trust me, you’re not alone, whatever Google may say! 😉

    Cheers

    MTM

  29. I so want to Lol, but I feel bad you lost them. Now you can be the first on Google to lose your crutches. 🙂

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