Garden, Poetry

Wisteria Envy

John's Wisteria4

My good friend John

The gardener one

He boasts of his wisteria.

He calls me once,

Then twice, then thrice

He’s this close to hysteria.


“It’s blooming soon!

Come see, come see

The buds are getting fatter!”

John keeps this up

All summer long

A never-ending natter.


The problem is

John’s vine does bloom

And mine again is ‘fallow’

(It’s come to this

I find new words

For grief that I must swallow.)

John's wisteria3

John’s vine does bloom

John’s vine does bloom

Three times in every season

“Come see, come see,”

John says to me

Happy beyond all reason.


So off I go

Convinced he’s wrong

For now it is hot weather.

But No! John’s right

The vine doth bloom

This was no idle blather.


Blog Photo - Wisteria 1


Just now I get

Another note

From you-know-who, a-boasting

And that is why

I write this verse

That John, he needs a roasting.


A clever thought

Has seized my brain

And now I start devising

A stealthy plot

To carry out

A bit of ‘gardenizing’


Of digging up

My barren vine

And off we’ll go together

In dead of night

Across the town

No matter what the weather.

Blog Photo - Wisteria 2


And plant it where

John’s vine once stood

And leave it in its glory

While John’s vine

Sprawls across my hood

About to change the story.



Now we shall see

Who boasts each spring

And every single summer

For John is now

Proud owner of

The world’s non-blooming bummer.

The End.

Top 2 photos by John Van Burek of his bloomin’ wisteria.  Ughhhh…..

39 thoughts on “Wisteria Envy”

      1. Mine have! They are only a few years old and the blooms are rather anemic, but they get bigger ever year! Now if I can just keep my 5 year old from picking off the petals….grrr!!

  1. Excellent news!
    That’s either beginner’s luck or you’re feeding it steroids!
    And you have petals for your 5 year old to pick off – how lovely!
    Do tell us your secret.
    Love your blog.

  2. I am touched and humbled by the finesse of Cynthia’s verse, which is surpassed only by the beauty of the many wisteria she has used to illustrate it. Sadly, these lush examples -obviously from England where all plants are beautiful- bear no resemblance whatever to my pathetic downtown shrub. That said, I now lie awake at night for fear that my beloved « glycene » will be spirited away to the depths of outer Toronto, crudely replaced by Cynthia’s stubborn weed that yearly refuses to bloom!

  3. This is such a clever poem, and it makes me laugh, because I sympathize with you. I have some temperamental irises. If they bloom at all it is much later than all of the others in my neighborhood.

    I am wondering if maybe your soil is too fertile. I have read about certain plants that will make tons of foliage, but fail to bloom when the soil is too rich.

    1. I’m so glad it made you laugh. That is the whole idea. You could be right about the soil. We deliberately do nothing to it – not even water that spot – but the surrounding soil may be nourishing it. Then again, the previous owners had no gardens and didn’t even take care of the lawn much, and they had NO blooms for nearly 15 years, so …. hmmm…

  4. Your amusing/sad poem put such a huge smile on my face. What a great way to start my day.
    On the ‘glass half full’ side of things, it is green, and that means it’s happy.
    Empathetic hug to you from me.

    1. Thanks so much, Lavinia.
      I see a few more potential causes here – dry soil, low potassium, pruning at the wrong time.
      Will bear in mind. Thanks again and good luck with the yellow trumpet vines!

  5. I love your playful and honest views on gardening Cynthia, and how you weave your photos with words to create an engaging story. Now, I have wisteria envy too. Thanks for sharing. XD

    1. Thanks for the kind words, Brad. You have a large yard that could handle a wisteria, but you’re probably safer with a nice clematis or four. Clematis has never let me down.

  6. I love the poem. You always make me laugh Cynthia. Wisterias that don’ t bloom are a total waste of space. I wonder if it is a seed grown one. Mine is 8 years old from a cutting but it has been blooming for the last 4 years. Why don’ t you bin yours and buy one that is in bloom? Then in a year or two John will be envying yours.

    1. Glad to make you laugh, Chloris. It could be a seed grown one — 24 years old now. In my next post, you’ll see a surprising angle to this. You’re warm!

  7. I laughed out loud when I read this. With your luck your vine would bloom in his yard and the one you brought home in triumph would not cooperate. (Another verse perhaps?)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s