There are no words.
*
One speaks to God in frightened silence
Broken only by jagged breath.
One reaches for faith
And reaches again.
*
Before faith, the lurch in the belly.
The gasp from the chest.
The hurt in the heart.
And sighs too deep for words.
*
Shock. Denial. Floundering.
The waves of fear, threatening to drown.
We must not drown.
We search for a fixed point.
*
The heart glimpses the rock
Rising up from the water.
The rock shines with promise.
Strong, fixed and charcoal-dark.
*
The deep water swirls and obscures
So confident in its massive power.
It carries threats of death and echoes of loss.
And loud whispers of nevermore.
*
Quick now: shut it out.
Do not give it the power it craves.
Focus instead on the fixed point.
Look again and find the rock.
*
There are no words.
I speak to God in silence and jagged breath.
My arms thrash, thrash and thrash
And touch solid stone.
*
I hold on, hold on
Fight to hold on to its solid-ness
The waves of fear, and drowning waters
Are all around.
*
One thrashes and fights
And struggles with all one’s might.
And speaks to God, in silence and jagged breath:
Let my beloved live.
*
Let him live.
Let us get to the hospital in time.
Let the doctors and nurses know what to do.
Please let my beloved live.
**
