My good friend John
The gardener one
He boasts of his wisteria.
He calls me once,
Then twice, then thrice
He’s this close to hysteria.
~~
“It’s blooming soon!
Come see, come see
The buds are getting fatter!”
John keeps this up
All summer long
A never-ending natter.
~~
The problem is
John’s vine does bloom
And mine again is ‘fallow’
(It’s come to this
I find new words
For grief that I must swallow.)
~~
John’s vine does bloom
John’s vine does bloom
Three times in every season
“Come see, come see,”
John says to me
Happy beyond all reason.
~~
So off I go
Convinced he’s wrong
For now it is hot weather.
But No! John’s right
The vine doth bloom
This was no idle blather.
~~
~~
Just now I get
Another note
From you-know-who, a-boasting
And that is why
I write this verse
That John, he needs a roasting.
~~
A clever thought
Has seized my brain
And now I start devising
A stealthy plot
To carry out
A bit of ‘gardenizing’
~~
Of digging up
My barren vine
And off we’ll go together
In dead of night
Across the town
No matter what the weather.
~~
And plant it where
John’s vine once stood
And leave it in its glory
While John’s vine
Sprawls across my hood
About to change the story.
~~
Now we shall see
Who boasts each spring
And every single summer
For John is now
Proud owner of
The world’s non-blooming bummer.
The End.
Top 2 photos by John Van Burek of his bloomin’ wisteria. Ughhhh…..
Cynthia Reyes 
by any chance, is this “Desperate Housewives” fan fic? 🙂 With the mention of Wisteria and John the Gardener.
Hah!!
I, too, would feel hysteria over the coveted John’s wisteria
I just adore wisteria – my two send out tendrils everywhere! They are not as lush as the two you have pictured, but are relatively new to my garden still.
Has yours bloomed yet? They say it can take up to 14 years to get a single bloom. Sigh…. Let’s hope “they” are wrong.
Mine have! They are only a few years old and the blooms are rather anemic, but they get bigger ever year! Now if I can just keep my 5 year old from picking off the petals….grrr!!
Excellent news!
That’s either beginner’s luck or you’re feeding it steroids!
And you have petals for your 5 year old to pick off – how lovely!
Do tell us your secret.
Love your blog.
Beautiful poem. What a lovely blog 🙂
I am touched and humbled by the finesse of Cynthia’s verse, which is surpassed only by the beauty of the many wisteria she has used to illustrate it. Sadly, these lush examples -obviously from England where all plants are beautiful- bear no resemblance whatever to my pathetic downtown shrub. That said, I now lie awake at night for fear that my beloved « glycene » will be spirited away to the depths of outer Toronto, crudely replaced by Cynthia’s stubborn weed that yearly refuses to bloom!
Pathetic downtown shrub? No way.
Your wisteria is a beauty!
But one of these days….
I rather love that image of a sleep-deprived John keeping watch over his treasured wisteria.:-)
I envy my neighbour’s peonies. there – i said it!
I understand completely. Maybe they’ll divide it up and give you some.
Reblogged this on Cynthia Reyes.
You have a very special specimen there, Cynthia. A rare non-blooming wisteria. 😉
Aha! It’s all a matter of perspective, you say. Suddenly, it acquires a sheen of … something.
Indeed, a sheen of……something.
This is such a clever poem, and it makes me laugh, because I sympathize with you. I have some temperamental irises. If they bloom at all it is much later than all of the others in my neighborhood.
I am wondering if maybe your soil is too fertile. I have read about certain plants that will make tons of foliage, but fail to bloom when the soil is too rich.
I’m so glad it made you laugh. That is the whole idea. You could be right about the soil. We deliberately do nothing to it – not even water that spot – but the surrounding soil may be nourishing it. Then again, the previous owners had no gardens and didn’t even take care of the lawn much, and they had NO blooms for nearly 15 years, so …. hmmm…
LOL, although I’m not a wisteria fan I thoroughly enjoyed your poem and photos! 🙂
I’m so glad that some good is coming of this sad tale…. Thank you!
Your amusing/sad poem put such a huge smile on my face. What a great way to start my day.
On the ‘glass half full’ side of things, it is green, and that means it’s happy.
Empathetic hug to you from me.
Thank you, Karen!
Wisteria is one thing I have not tried to grow, yet. I am trying out some yellow trumpet vines here this year.
It is curious why yours won’t flower, though. I did find this on the Royal Horticultural Society website. Follow thier link to “flowers”.
https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/profile?PID=777
Thanks so much, Lavinia.
I see a few more potential causes here – dry soil, low potassium, pruning at the wrong time.
Will bear in mind. Thanks again and good luck with the yellow trumpet vines!
I love your playful and honest views on gardening Cynthia, and how you weave your photos with words to create an engaging story. Now, I have wisteria envy too. Thanks for sharing. XD
Thanks for the kind words, Brad. You have a large yard that could handle a wisteria, but you’re probably safer with a nice clematis or four. Clematis has never let me down.
You are most welcome Cynthia. I’ve had trouble with both! 🙂
I so enjoyed your poem! I have poet envy.
You promised to try. But since you’ve had such a demanding year, I’ll give you a pass this time…. I’m glad you liked the wisteria poem, Clare.
Thank-you Cynthia!
I love the poem. You always make me laugh Cynthia. Wisterias that don’ t bloom are a total waste of space. I wonder if it is a seed grown one. Mine is 8 years old from a cutting but it has been blooming for the last 4 years. Why don’ t you bin yours and buy one that is in bloom? Then in a year or two John will be envying yours.
Glad to make you laugh, Chloris. It could be a seed grown one — 24 years old now. In my next post, you’ll see a surprising angle to this. You’re warm!
lol-we all have our “plant”nemesis-I believe “ugh” is a perfect response!
Thank you, dear Robbie.
Great poem!! Thanks for the laugh.
You are always welcome! Have you stopped to catch your breath yet?
I laughed out loud when I read this. With your luck your vine would bloom in his yard and the one you brought home in triumph would not cooperate. (Another verse perhaps?)
This is probably exactly true, Karen. you made me smile, though.